reasons i am a terrible person pt.2 // confessions

Hey James,

You do some pretty terrible things, which is dumb and stupid and won’t do anyone or anything any good.

Please, Please, PLEASE for the love of food stop the following:

Showers. It’s something that you just can’t seem to get right! People are either telling you to have them, or to stop! You can’t have a period of three days with no shower, and you cannot have three showers in one day! Not only is it wasting water, but it’s also pointless and makes your skin… gross… ALSO STOP PEEING IN THE SHOWER! EW! YOU ARE NOT THREE. THAT IS NOT OKAY! JUST STOP TAKING SHOWERS, ITS BETTER TO JUST STINK.

Lying. The occasional lie is bad enough, but when you lie all the time for completely no reason, there is just no excuse. It just causes awkward situations for both yourself and other people, but it makes your word dishonest which is just about the hardest impression to get people to leave behind.

Insults. When you are in an argument, you can not call the other person/people insults like an idiot, and expect your points to be backed up. It makes you look dumb, ignorant, rude and stubborn. It’s okay to “admit defeat”, it doesn’t make you look weak. Just please, stop arguing in general. That’s all, thanks! 🙂 .

Jokes. Please stop making jokes at other people’s expense, it’s rude, obnoxious and causes trouble. If you have to have someone as the butt of your jokes, make it yourself. Making someone laugh isn’t hard, but building other people up. That’s what matters. Make jokes that cause other people to be proud of who they are.

Singing. You aren’t blessed with a singing voice. It just isn’t you, no matter how much you wish it was. Please, stop singing out loud. It’s okay to not sing, that’s fine. If you singing is causing other people to dislike songs, then stop. It’s a sacrifice you’ll have to be willing to make.

If you respect these rules and adapt yourself enough to overcome these transgressions, it will lead to a happier you, a happier family, a happier household and a lot more tea and coffee in the long run. And who doesn’t want that?

However, if you choose to continue on this path. If you still willingly break these rules, you will be forced to live without your privallages. No showers is something which no one wants.

Please consider my conditions or suffer the consequences.

Yours truly,

James Patmore.


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