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“Praying in the dark for courage…” | Weekly Summary

Hello Guys,

So this week-end has been really full on… It’s hard to put into words how it’s been, I’ve been scared, brave, advancing and crying a bit… Okay well a bit more than a bit…

I think I’m starting to understand stuff differently, which I think is a development?

But it has been kinda hard…

Here’s why…

The main parts of my week summarised into a blog post… good name, I know!

Firstly, I’m just going to take notice of something… This week we celebrated Anzac day, which is a day of commemoration for the Australian and New Zealand troops who fought in world war one.

They landed in Gallipoli as heroes, now they lie legends.

Secondly, I have talked about an issue I’ve been having with online pornographic content before on this blog… And I’ve been struggling with this so much, and I’ve been feeling dirty, stuck and guilty… I was feeling horrible…

This last week, I was up one night, feeling literally sick from guilt… so I went into my mum and dad’s room…

I stood there for ten minutes just praying in the dark for courage… That god will give me strength, or that dad will wake up if he wants me to tell him… I was feeling horrible…

Well, he woke up (In quite a shock to see his son standing in the dark of his bedroom, watching him sleep!) and then I told him.

That was the best thing I’ve done for months… I’ve honestly been killing myself inside from guilt, and I’ve finally talked to him!

I had been trying to talk to him for months, but I was scared. I was scared he’d rebuke me… but he didn’t…

He told me he was proud of me… He prayed with me and he talked to me… I honestly doubt I’ll ever do that (watch the content) ever again…. Is advice was awesome!

(If you need help with anything like that, and you need someone to talk to anonymously, I would be more than happy to help you… Part of the reason I started this blog was because I needed someone like that because I couldn’t get the courage to ask for help from those that love me… And I don’t want other people to be in that situation of desperateness… You know how to contact me!)

Thirdly, one of my teachers, who just as it happens is the Head of Department for mathematics,  thought I had been cheating on my assessment… She sent me a long, long email about it and I’ve been stressing out about that… I guess we’ll find a resolve Monday (I hope!)

Fourthly, I’ve been daily journaling and I’m starting to think I should take it a bit deeper… delve into more personal areas of… well… me.

Fifth and finally, I want to do more.
I want to read the bible
I want to study the bible
I want to build a bookcase
I want to study
I want to do arts and crafts more
I want to learn the piano
I want to do more exercise
I want to strengthen myself…

I just need to work some of that stuff out, and that’s what I’m hoping to do next week…

So, from that, you’ve most likely gathered that I’m a sensitive person, which I think I am… Kinda…
But I am not sure that that’s a bad thing…

I’m working stuff out and I’m both excited and scared by it… but I would love it if you guys have any suggestions on how to work that stuff out.

Thanks, and once again, I do mean this…

God bless you all.

James HS Patmore.

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