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Feeling Butt Hurt

So I cry a lot, like I have said before and in some ways, I love that about me… It makes me feel good and makes me feel emotions in the strongest way possible. However on the other hand if I don’t cry, it can make me feel bad because “I’m not crying so I mustn’t be sorry enough” which will lead to me standing in-front of the mirror trying to make myself cry… I don’t love that side to it all that much…

So now I have to tell you why I’m talking about this, otherwise it’d be a pretty crappy post…


This week, my sister went out and ordered a projector and xbox so she and my older brother could play on it… They also said that if I helped clean we can watch movies on it, which was the coolest idea I had probably ever heard…

So I then spent the next two days cleaning the study, which is more like Study/Entertainment/Storage room… So after I was done cleaning, it still had a lot of boxes and stuff that was blocking the wall that the projection would be displayed on… I then cleared the area by putting some boxes into the shed and some boxes spread throughout the room, which I will admit, looked cluttered and messy.

Later that evening I was on the computer and then my sister got home. Of course I was excited because of how long I had spent on the room and seeing the difference I thought that was great… She didn’t see it like that…

She saw all the boxes and the clutter, not the cleaned floors and tidied bookshelves… We moved the piano from the projection wall to another, moved two desks, two filing cabinets and a games cupboard… And I was proud of my work so I wanted the satisfaction of praise from her so I asked if she had seen it…

“Yes, and why do you think that was okay? You have made it so much harder to do anything in that room all because you rushed ahead and did something without asking any of us…”
She was then telling me about how much worse it is now and I didn’t say anything… I just shut up and listened and took it with a pinch of salt… Okay I was salty…

I literally tasted like the ocean, and it wasn’t just because I had been crying.

I know it sounds pathetic and there is a reason it does… it is pathetic and it is something that I should just move on from and clean it again… but now she won’t stop holding grudges against me for it and she keeps bringing it up saying stuff like: “Yeah but we have to clean that room after JAMES messed it up… He genuinely made it so much harder to do anything in there”

Which is okay… Kinda… I mean I am not saying anything because I now know why I asked her if she had seen it and the reason was because I was looking for praise but I am feeling a little butt hurt and sorry for myself which is absolutely pathetic and I know that so I’m more annoyed at myself for taking it in…

 

She doesn’t know how long I worked in there and I don’t think she will find out.

Today the Projector, projector cords and stand (all ordered separately) came in the mail which was excited so naturally I watched the put it together…

My older brother was putting it all together, and he was doing it backwards so I said he had to flip it. Hearing this, she turns around and comes up with, “Can you just shut up? You’re literally just butting in to something that you don’t understand, watching over our shoulders, telling us what to do… And you still haven’t cleaned the study”….

And yeah, I continued to silently watch them but then I was trying not to cry so I left.

I am just a little sulky which is babyish… I guess I can add that to the growing list of things I want to change…

Just don’t cry over little things, okay?

THANK YOU!

James.

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